I've fallen behind in blogging. Mostly because there is one post I have not been wanting to write. This one. I've written and re written it a million different times in my head. I still am not sure I can do it justice. How do you sum up your feelings for a loved one in one post? How do you sum up 15 years of my memories and a lifetime of Wade's? You can't. But I can write a few things down, memories from here and there, that I don't want to forget.
April 11, Wade's mom, Betty passed quietly away, surrounded by her family. She was in the hospital at Christmas, came home and then quickly went downhill in February. March was a tough month. By the time we finally got some real answers, it was too late. And while we did know this would probably be coming, it still has been heartbreaking for all of us.
I know that we will see Betty again. I know this without a doubt. But it's still sad. We have the youngest grandchildren. The ones who will only remember their Grandma by the stories that we tell.
And so we will tell them stories.
Betty giving Gage his first hair cut, 2005
Betty loved to sew. She could sew anything. She taught her girls to sew. When they were kids they would sit on her lap as she sewed. I can't believe they never got their hands in the needle! I remember once I was complaining about not having enough time to sew a certain project and Betty told me to just put the kids on my lap. I've never been that brave.
Grandma and Grandpa Christiansen and the grandkids (minus one), February 2013
Betty made amazing quilts. Gage, Noah, Avery and Wade have quilts she has made. When Gage was about 5 he had this idea for a specific train quilt he wanted. So he sat in her sewing room with her one summer trip and they designed a train quilt together. She had such a talent. I know she always wanted to hurry and make Eli and Lucy one...but we apparently we can have babies faster than she could make quilts.
Betty and Eli, 2010
When Wade and I were dating Wade would come home from our dates and sit in his mom sewing room and talk to her all hours of the night. She would sit there and sew and they would chat all night long. Wade has always had a great relationship with his mom. She has always been a good friend, shoulder to cry on, and listening ear.
Our Wedding Day, May 2000 (check out Wade's hair!)
Betty was never a mother-in-law to me, always another mom. I don't have those crazy mother in law stories like some people have. I have been blessed with 2 moms. Wade was the last of the four kids to get married. And when we got married she told me that she finally had her 8 kids she had always wanted! Betty always introduced me to people as her daughter.
Summer trip to Utah, August 2011
Grandma and Avery, May 2009
We lived with Wade's parents a couple different times during school. One time it was just me and the two boys while Wade was away on rotation. I remember one time (probably the time I was living there without Wade) I as complaining about something, probably about Wade being gone and the kids being hard, and just how HARD our life was..blah, blah, blah. Betty looked at me and said, "Well didn't you guys choose to go to medical school? If you made this choice, then no matter how hard, you made the choice. You need to make the choice to be happy about it."
I quit complaining that day. (about school)
I made the choice to be happy.
And things got easier.
Life throws us curve balls.
All. The. Time.
Sometimes we just have to make the choice to be happy.
Grandma and Gage at his baptism, March 2012
I remember the second time we lived with them I had 3 busy small kids and they were always causing messes all over the place. And I remember one day trying to pick everything up and stressing over keeping it all clean she told me to stop stressing. She said that she had a friend who had passed away and when she died all anyone could ever say was about how clean her house always was. Betty looked at me and said, "There are always more important things than a clean house."
I try and remember every time I am cleaning our house to make sure I remember the more important things.
that being said...Betty never had a dirty house either.
Grandma, Gage and Noah, Iowa, 2006
Betty at amazing patience. Wade remembers the ONE time his mom yelled at him. He had been in the kitchen and got mad so he started slamming the cupboards and drawers around. She yelled at him to stop and to go to his room. He then went to his room, continued to make a huge mess and throw a tantrum. When he finally stopped, his mom knocked on his door, came in and asked if he was done.
He replied, "yes"
She replied, "Good. Clean this up, and don't slam my cupboards again."
Wade cleaned his room and never slammed the kitchen cupboards again.
Whenever I get short and cranky, I try and remember that Wade only has ONE memory of his mother yelling at him.
One.
How do I want my kids to remember me?
I try to take a deep breath, calm down and be a little better.
Grandma and Avery, Seattle Ferry, 2009
Judy, Grandma and Gage, Seattle Ferry, 2009
We lived out of state for the past 7 years, but Grandma Betty always had ways of showing that we were loved although we lived far away.
Grandma and Noah's baby blessing, Iowa, 2006
Every time we blessed a baby she would come to visit. She always brought baby socks, and baby socks and more baby socks. She loved baby socks. I have enough baby socks to man a tiny baby army. She also loved to give the babies little foot rubs. She would massage their baby feet and they would love it.
Wade's family at medical school graduation, May 2009
Grandma always sent the most amazing packages. Sometimes we would get random packages of candy, but it would be buried in a HUGE box full of shredded paper. The kids would love it and go crazy. And I let them, because that is the exact reason Grandma had sent it. And she always sent them McDonald dollars. Maybe this is a Grandma thing, because my mom does this too.
Grandma and Avery at medical school graduation, May 2009
Since being back home I made it a point to try and visit Grandma as much as we could. Every time we were off track we made it a goal to visit Grandma and take her out for a coke at least one time. The Diet Coke runs and trips to McDonalds were never really about the Diet Coke or fast food for Grandma. Most of the time you could find her cup 3/4 cup full in the fridge even the next day. But she loved going out for a drink and taking the kids to the play place. We could sit and chat and the kids would play and wave at us for hours.
Grandma and Shay, Port of Tacoma, Fall 2010
Grandma and baby Lucy, November 2012
I will always remember one trip we made to Lehi last fall. We were off track and that day we were making our McDonalds trip with Grandma. When we returned home, the fifth wheel trailer was still parked out back from a recent camping trip and the kids wanted to go in and play around. Grandma told them we all could go in there and that she had a surprise for us. She then pulled out a huge bag of candy bars and we sat there for an hour or so and had a "candy party" She let the kids eat every bit of the candy. We were all bouncing off the walls and giggling up a storm. I can't imagine how much junk and sugar we ate that day. But it was one of the best times we've ever had. The kids talked about Grandma and the candy party for weeks.
Candy Parties.
It's memories like that that I never want to forget.
Grandma and Gage celebrating their birthdays (one day apart), Washington, spring 2010
Betty was in the hospital at Christmas. She then came home in January, and then was back in ICU for 4 weeks during February. It was a rough couple weeks. And we would sneak the kids in every once in a while to see her. This was the only time in my entire time knowing Betty that I ever saw her with her hair not done. It was up in a pony tail on the top of her head in a yellow scrunchie. Avery was always quiet and shy when we would visit, but when we left that day, she said that Grandma's hair sure looked pretty amazing.
Grandma and Grandpa Sunday Visit, October 2012
After Christmas, Betty came home with oxygen. I didn't know it bothered any of the kids, until one day, Noah prayed that Grandma wouldn't have the tubes in her nose anymore.
He prayed for her and those tubes every single day.
Now we know she doesn't need tubes anymore.
She's got the best fresh air any of us can imagine.
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| Oquirrh Mountain Temple open house, May 2009 |
The week before Betty passed away she was home. We had a day off school so I was blessed to spend the entire day at home helping take care of her. We hung out in the office while she slept in her chair most of the day. I held her hand when she couldn't catch her breath. I helped her to her wheel chair, to the bathroom, and back. One time she asked me why I was doing all this. Why in the world I was helping her with all this stuff. And I just replied, "Well, Betty, you've done it for me, and you've helped my family a million times, I love you. Why wouldn't I help you?"
When I left that night I waved at her and said, "I'm leaving - I love you Betty"
It was the last time I was blessed to see her.
Wade and his parents at residency graduation.
Wade would be extremely embarrassed about this, but his mom was always very proud of his hard work and dedication when it comes to school. Wade doesn't even like to tell anyone what he does for a profession, but Betty was proud. And with good reason. Wade was the first in his family to graduate with a bachelors degree. Then he graduated from medical school as one of the top of his class and with honors. He excelled in residency. He can be as modest as he wants to be, but his mother had reason to be proud.
Family pictures 2013
In February one of Wade's sisters organized family pictures. Family pictures with this family never happens. Last time Noah was a rolly-polly baby. But Josh was leaving on his mission and we just felt it was something important and it was time. With the exception of the oldest grandkid, Ashley who couldn't make it, this was everyone.
23 of us.
We did it.
And I am so glad we made an effort.
While going through our pictures the past couple weeks, I've learned one thing Pictures are important. And we all need to be in them. No matter how we feel about how we look, it's important.
When I look at this crazy family picture I am so happy. She was able to see her oldest grandson leave for his mission. She was able to see one of her oldest granddaughters married in the temple. She welcomed home her last grandchild from the hospital.
There will be a huge part of our family missing now.
But we know she will always be near.
So, till we meet again.
We will keep telling stories.
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